Paradox

You want to know what I’ve become? 
I’m many things, and only some 
I ache though nothing lingers still 
I crave sensations, seek a thrill 
I sit, I pace, I write, I scroll 
I wax, I wane, I’m scarce, I’m full 
I need it now– no, never mind 
I’m all caught up, I’m left behind
I’m broken heart, right twice a day 
It’s wrong— I love you anyway 
I’m peace, I’m war, a friendly foe 
I’m all dressed up, nowhere to go 
I could be brave, but no, I won’t 
I would, I should, I can’t, I don’t 
I fall and get back up again 
I know I’ll lose and try to win 
That’s me! That’s me! That’s what I do 
But who is me? I never knew 
I’m man and woman, old and young 
A cigarette, a healthy lung 
To hold my breath in tunnels, too 
Though all my wishes don’t come true 
I’m optimism dressed as spite 
I can’t be wrong, I’m never right 
I’m not no double negative 
I’m stimulant, I’m sedative 
To slow you down, to keep it quick 
I behave, I scream, I kick 
I’m acting out, inside the box 
I’m opposite, I’m paradox